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HIDE THE CANDIDATE!
 Polls consistently show that Senator Kerry does better when voters see less of him! KH4K is fighting to win by minimizing Kerry's actual presence on the campaign trail. But we need your help. Give us your best reason for Senator Kerry to not campaign this week: NEW EXCUSES!: Need to stay above the fray If he misses one more episode of "Joey" he'll lose the plot line Gotta floss! Old shrapnel wounds acting up The campaign has made a stategic move to go "dark" in October to prepare for the crucial November campaign season Turf toe! Scott Peterson trial is heating up. Celebrate traditional Kerry clan harvest festival. FAQ
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Hello, I'm President Bush
by
Anonymous
Hello all you fellow Americans and potential voters out there. I've been taking some breaks from playing golf and showing off my tough-talk and technique to the media to find what you've been saying about me.
First of all, I want to say thank you to all those warmongers who have been speaking on my behalf. I most dearly thank you because if it wasn't for you, it would be difficult to get away with all my lies about stockpiles of nukes in Iraq and Saddam and Osama being old buddies and working together to plot 9/11. I feel bad for leaving you with the dirty work, but for what's it worth, I am grateful to you for trying to cover my rear end. And for it, nearly 50% of the country still supports me.
On the other hand, I apologize to all the peace mongers shouting in front of the white house and hope you will still consider voting for me. After all, I like Martin Luther King, too. I believe in freedom and equality, as well as peace, that's why I sent your brothers and sisters over to Iraq so I could stop those terrorist killers. Besides, it wasnft my fault. My daddy made me do it. Anyway, youfre stuck with me. My rich constituents have more than enough money to control the media and finance my campaign. Your middle-class nickels and dimes wonft be enough to help Kerry beat me. But donft worry. I am cutting taxes, so the CEOS can provide a nice juicy minimum wage job for you. That way, you can feel nice and snug under our wing.
Well, liberals and patriots, I got a run. I have some oil tycoons, gun lobbyists, a few Saudis and Bin Ladens and Dick and Daddy Bush waiting to finish this last game of golf with me. I bet an OPEC member a million barrels of oil on this one, and at the moment, I have the edge. I wish you could see my drive. Actually, you can see me play in a new movie by a filmmaker named Michael Moore, but donft believe what he says about me. And remember, as John Ashcroft always said, "remain vigilant." Recently, I overheard that the Al Qaeda are planning to invade the suburbs. Ifm thinking about raising the threat level to cherry red.
In the name of freedom and my dad,
G.W.B.
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